You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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