I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
