I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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