I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
