im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
