Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
