My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
