he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
