Buhtt sex?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
