i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
