Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
