dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just cut my nipple shaving
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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