Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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