i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
