he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
