I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
