Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
