i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
