I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
