dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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