he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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