We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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