tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
