I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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