I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
