My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
