I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize