Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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