now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
