I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
BRING THE BAGELS
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
