people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
