That's intense
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize