If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
