pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize