i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
