You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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