I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
