can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
