when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize