but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
