He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
