so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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