all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
