You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
