i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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