party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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