yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize