I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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