Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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