I have demons in me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My breasts were aching with rage.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
