listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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