goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
