He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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