i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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