i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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