when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
