So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Randomize