That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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