Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
