He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
