these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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