I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
