In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
