my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
