my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
