So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
