I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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